a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
