One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
