guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
