I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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