One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
