What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
