now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
