He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
