i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
