i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
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so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
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Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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