you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
