He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
