I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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