Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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