I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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