he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
