just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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