My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
