I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
