hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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