I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
