My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
