Pants 0. Shit 1.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
