I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
is this the sara with the beer cane?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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