I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
