He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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