the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
