if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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