Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
