every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
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I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
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I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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