I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
