I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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