The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
