just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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