He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
