I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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