What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
