It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
