ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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