I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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