the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize