so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
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So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
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How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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