member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
50% drunk capacity currently
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
