So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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