what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
