my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
