u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Randomize
