I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
