I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
