Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
