I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
