True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
