he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
