The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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