i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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