he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
