i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
is wine microwaveable?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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