if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
