I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
