After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
