We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
