we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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