Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
