Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
