How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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