A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
