I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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