Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
