you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
try to milk me bitch
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